Employee resents contributing to office gifts in workplace with high turnover, looks for a way to avoid it: 'I've contributed to over 10 birthdays'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Dec 11, 2025 9:00 PM EST

A job is supposed to be a place that earns you money, not one that makes you spend it.

Nonetheless, there are almost always certain expenses that come with being part of a workplace. Perhaps it is the price of gas or public transit that comes with the commute, going out on your lunch break, or maybe your office expects you to bring your own laptop. These days, the majority of jobs have some financial price that accompanies them.

One thing that has long had a place in the traditional office is giving cards and gifts for special occasions, such as a birthday or somebody's retirement. Many employees begrudge the fact that they are expected to contribute to such things. However, it can feel difficult to opt out when everybody is expected to contribute. Nobody wants to be punished for not being adequately enthusiastic about whatever workplace culture management has decided exists.

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  • an out of focus woman sitting down and wearing business attire receives a wrapped gift from a man wearing business attire
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One employee was fed up after they had stayed in the same job for several years in an office that had a high turnover. They felt annoyed that they had had to contribute financially to multiple birthdays, job endings, and even a bereavement gift when many of their coworkers did not last long in their workplace.

    Feeling like they should not be expected to do this for every single event that colleagues asked them to contribute to, they hoped to find a way to get out of this annoyance in their workplace. They looked for advice on the matter.

  • I'm sick of financially contributing to employees birthdays, end of employment and now the passing of a parent.

    I've been at my job for 3 years in a department with high turn over. I've contributed to well over 10 birthdays, going away party's and now management is suggesting we get a card and gift for a colleague who isn't even in our department but work closely with, whose father passed away.
    via firmmangoseed
  • a man in a suit gives a woman sat next to him a gift as she looks grateful
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I'm so sick of it. I'm here to work and I'm not interested in giving money to any of these events.
    via firmmangoseed
  • I don't even tell my department when my birthday is and when I do leave, I surely won't be participating in a going away and don't want a gift.
    via firmmangoseed
  • How do I back out of this crap without seeming like a prick?
    via firmmangoseed
  • a man wearing business casual attire and holding a wrapped gift walks up behind a woman sitting at a computer
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Key-Ingenuity-534 "Sorry, it's not in my budget right now" is a perfectly acceptable and polite way to decline.
    via Key-Ingenuity-534
  • eyerishdancegirl7 This stuff isn't mandatory. We've gotten cards for people retiring, leaving, weddings, new babies, death of a parent, etc. When the card comes across your desk, just don't sign it? Managers should always ask about donating money in a way that it isn't mandatory. For example, "we'll have a piggy bank on my desk if you'd like to contribute". You don't have to donate if it's not something you can afford.
    via eyerishdancegirl7
  • Extra-Blueberry-4320 That's nothing. We had 2 employees get killed onsite in an accident. HR asked us to donate to their families even though the company was technically responsible. I was like...no.
    via Extra-Blueberry-4320
  • CreamedCh33ze I had a job where this guy passed an envelope around asking for donations to his kids private school tuition. I laughed my ass off and just said "Your child's education is neither my concern nor financial obligation"
    via CreamedCh33ze
  • canada11235813 Around here, management (me) pays for a card. It makes the rounds, where everyone signs it. Once a month, little party, cake, gifts (from me) for everyone in the birthday month. Nobody has to pay for anything. But what's interesting is how this culture has created an environment where people, when not forced to, will voluntarily show up with something. A box of doughnuts, a box of muffins, a bag of premium coffee, pastries... once or twice a week, someone will do that, without bei
    via canada11235813
  • Long DistRid3r When I had a heart attack, my team gave me a big DoorDash gift card. That carried me until I could get my feet under me again, When my wife died the team took care of me. They made sure I was fed. My manager checked on me daily. It's this kind of humanity that breeds loyalty. Sadly that loyalty was not reciprocated. But I will always have fond memories and respect for the team.
    via LongDistRid3r
  • just321askin - Same birthdays, retirements, illnesses, funerals etc. been here over a decade and have spent hundreds of dollars on other people and have never been gifted anything from anybody my entire time here - because I keep my birthday and family matters private and I don't sympathy-farm like my colleagues do. However, the minute you say "sorry, not in my budget" is the minute all your coworkers mark you as "not a team player" at best, or a cheap asshole at worst.
    via just321askin
  • Regular-Humor-9128 Management should be covering the full cost of any gift given on behalf of employees, especially for something like a death in the family. It could also be seen as misuse of power for management to be asking/recommending to their employees who are under them, to give money for something of this nature.
    via Regular-Humor-9128
  • r200james I once worked in a similar situation which also included Girl Scout Cookies, school raffles, church raffles, and other insipid junk. I grew to resent the 'Be Nice Tax'. I started to just smile say 'No thank you'. It was awkward at first. But then a couple other people also started saying no. Some coworkers thought I was a jerk. But such expectations to 'chip in' are intrusive and unprofessional.
    via r200james
  • BunBun_75 What about the parents fundraising for their kids activities? That's equally annoying
    via BunBun_75

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gifts employee work coworkers etiquette workplace reddit thread Reddit money
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